i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
