She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
