gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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