Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
