I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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