Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
