dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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