you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize