i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you win again, gameday.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You don't make any sense
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