that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
