i would punch a child for taco bell
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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