Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize