so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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