fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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