it wasn't lemon gatorade
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
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