but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
