I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
