haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
