it was like his penis was on wheels.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
