you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
