I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
