I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
only if we run a train.
done.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
