so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It's no shave November. This is our time.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
