I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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