But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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