Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize