So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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