And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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