i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize