I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
