how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
