Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
