hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
