im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
