spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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