I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
