Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
everyone is single if you try hard enough
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize