Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
