he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
