If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
