hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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