Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
