I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize