Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
