so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Randomize
