I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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