Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
