Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
