but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
