I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
