OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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