At least make sure they are 18
Why
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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