you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
