you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize