So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
