Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
