i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
