"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
