My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Randomize
