last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
