you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize