Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
