make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
