i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
