OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
