the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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