Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Holy shit dude........stairs
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