some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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