he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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