U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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