I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
