Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
