look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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