I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
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