I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize