so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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