So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize