I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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