Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
