Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
