I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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