did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
