last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
