just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
