walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
