"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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