nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
