His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
