Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
