Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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