So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Randomize