If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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