What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
pop tarts are not kleenex
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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