I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
