if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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