To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
