I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
