I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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