Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Come share oat with me in your robe
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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