Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
