You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
