What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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